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Thursday, March 15, 2012

Helpful Tips For Annnoying Your Husband

Last night, my husband pointed something out to me. I have become a master at annoying him. And I have only gotten more creative as time has passed. I wanted to share my wisdom with the rest of you wives out there so as to keep your relationships fun. (For you at least)

1. If you are relaxing on the couch and decide that you want to read a book on your kindle, but the kindle is on the other side of the house, tell your husband something he's been looking for (a pen, headphones, chapstick) is in the same room as your kindle, even if it isn't. That way you can say "Honey, would you mind grabbing my kindle while you are in there?" and of course since he is going in there to find whatever item he has been searching for, he will have no reason to say no. You win. And another plus side is that you will be guaranteed peace and quiet to curl up with your kindle (or nook, or ipad. whatever e-reader you prefer. Or if *gasp* you still read actual books.) because he will still be stalking around the house trying to find the chap stick or post it notes that he knows he just saw.

2. Change all the pre-sets on the radio in his car. Myself, I like to change them all to my favorite radio station. This drives him nuts to no end.

3. In the spirit of messing with his gadgets and electronics, when he isn't looking or is asleep, take his cell phone and change the names of everyone in his contacts. This is especially funny if you know he is avoiding someones calls or texts because he pretty much has to answer unless he wants to let fate take over and possibly get a voicemail. I like to use fun names when doing this. Be creative. Names like "Butt Munch" and "Wiener" never really get old. If you are in a creative rut, go for people you know. Seeing a missed call from "Spongebob Squarepants" or "Justin Bieber" is sure to put a smile on his face. Until he realizes he has no idea who it really was. Then you might have to make a comfy place on the couch, but if your husband is anything like mine, he will just roll his eyes and say "why didn't anyone tell me you were such a creep before I put a ring on your finger."

4. Make beautiful artwork or calligraphy on his head while he's asleep if he's bald. What better way to express your love then some body art. One day, my husband was a tad on the cranky side so I drew a very angry frowny face on his head. Of course he didn't see it until he signed on to Facebook and saw the pictures and immediately ran into the bathroom to scrub his head. Many of you might remember the "Glena was here" message from last winter. That was another good one! Glitter and glue are also good options. Just try to get the glue warmed a little so the cold liquid doesn't alert him to his personal bubble being popped.

5. Does he have a shirt that you absolutely detest but won't get rid of? I have a solution for that too.  Take a fabric pen, sharpie, or get out the glue and glitter again and write a cryptic message on the shirt. My husband had a ridiculous shirt once that made me angry just looking at it. I don't know why. It just did. Anyways, it was similar to those tee shirts that have the tuxedo's on them. This one had a pimp daddy style robe on it and it just looked absolutely atrocious. Knowing I hated it, he wore it as often as he could. That is until I wrote "I love boogers" in bold, black ink on the back of it. He gave in and the shirt got tossed into the rag bag and now it makes a great dust rag!

6. Dramatically sing along to EVERY song on the radio when you are driving. Even if you don't know the words. Make it up.

7. Take a puppet of some sort with you everywhere. If you go through a drive through to get food, have the puppet pop up from behind your husband and let it talk to the kid working in the window. I will never forget the look on the kid at Culver's face when we went through for ice cream (sorry, custard) sundaes, and a little troll popped up out of seemingly nowhere and said "Thank ya for la ice cream!" He was surprised at first, but he took it in stride and said "You're welcome."

That's all I can think of right now, but as soon as I think of some more, I will be sure to post them.

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